Ok, the title may seem like plagiarism based on recent award-winning series aired on television … but it’s what I planned to call this a long time ago. The idea of writing about my life and experiences has been one I have toyed with for many years and it’s been a combination of fear and self-doubt and time that has deterred me up until this point. So here goes. It won’t be perfect but it is my voice.
I am a woman. I am mom. I am a daughter, sister, wife, friend, confidante, comedian (to my kids), reader, philosopher, chef (again to my kids – master chef ). I am the proud mother of three gorgeous boys, a 10-year-old and 7-year-old twins. These boys fill my life with light, love, laughter and a sprinkle of crazy every day. You will hear more about them in the future but today I need to say that before I was MOM … I was also once a girl, with big dreams and fancy ideas of who she would be one day. I often reflect on that girl and wonder what’s become of her, am I all that my younger self wanted me to be. Am I truly using this gift of life in the way that I wanted to?
A while back I read the book the Forty Rules of Love. It was profoundly enlightening, this book. I could relate to the characters in a way that made me indulge in the pages, to the point where the little voices of twin boys shouting mommy where are you? ‘Are you reading again?’ as I hid away in order to get through just one more chapter.
All the concepts of Love and God and unlikely spiritual relationships wrapped up in beautiful storytelling and actual people who lived before and experienced life in ways we will never know, in a time we will read about but never fully grasp. God drives every decision, even when you think it’s ALL you, because I can say with conviction that everything I have today is thanks to Allah (SWT).
I cannot deny that He is in every step of this journey and some of the things I have faced, I would not have been able to, without Him. This book was partly about that. The relationships we have with each and the one we have with God is intertwined. My younger self did not know this of course.
It was a relationship based on fear back then. Allah is watching my actions and my actions may be contradictory to what is in the rule book. So I often veered away from decision-making based on religion, or faith. But in a completely unexpected way I started to explore and understand my faith. And it opened the doors too much more profound spiritual connection that is still being explored and understood.
The fact that I am Muslim, and believe in the beautiful religion of Islam is what defines me first. Often as people we don’t understand how to talk about spirituality or religion or faith in the context of everyday life. And yes it is hard to reconcile some things that are deemed “wrong” but eventually you realise that your Trust in Allah and That only that can get you through the length of the marathon of life.
I know I have experienced much in my life but I wonder how much of me is what remains today. After becoming a wife and mother,
I think women are often diluted and their identity is solely based on the person they’re married to or the children that they have born and are busy raising.
It’s up to us as individuals to remain true to ourselves and remind the powers that be, the masses we interact with, our communities and families that we are more than moms and wives. We live and breathe our essence and it must not be
extinguished by mundane tasks and duties that become a sea of activity that swallows our identities. I am not just some bodies’ mom, while that title is one
I treasure and it does add to the colour of my character but it is not the thing that only defines me. I recently became obsessed with quotes from Rumi.
One of them reads “Every story is Us” in this quote I see all the stories of my life, my journey and see how they have shaped me into a person with depth,
and flaws and every shade of every colour embedded into the character that is me…
it’s not perfect, it’s not a supermom, juggling work, motherhood and life…
it’s just the girl with all her dreams…
Is this the girl I used to be?