What happens to us when we lose something precious. For one, a sense of panic overtakes you, how will you survive without this precious thing? Then, you may want to blame someone, so you have an element of rage that overtakes you, maybe towards a person or the universe or Murphy. These human reactions to losing something that you treasured sometimes can overtake your sanity.
My wedding ring is a prime example. It is a prized possession. The first real diamond I have ever owned and simply put, beautiful. It represents love and commitment and all the things that have resulted in all the blessing that I currently have. It shimmer’s in the light and adorns my finger bringing sparkle to my daily life. However, I tend to be so careless with it. I never take it off when doing grubby housework or chores meaning that it gets scratched and slightly bruised. Then, I have this awful habit of randomly taking it off, and leaving it in obscure places.
One time in early marriage, for all intents and purposes, I lost it. Well, the first time I really ‘lost’ it. Over the years I have ‘lost’ it many times to the utter frustration of the whole family, where we spend hours looking for it only for me to find it in the obscure place I left it, like a windowsill or vase in the bathroom. This inaugural loosing of the ring ceremony, we looked for it everywhere. I cried at the thought, the expense, the gravity of losing such a possession. My husband was equally furious and equally sad, the combination of these feelings in a man does not go down well. Almost 24 hours of searching and I am about to give up. I am at the point where I have been praying all sorts of prayers for a miracle to find it.
I basically lose all hope, mad at the world and myself, and decide to go to bed. Husband is already asleep. This is his go to mechanism for dealing with issues. Sleep. Anyhow, as I am changing into pj’s in the room adjacent to our bedroom. I remember washing the dishes the day before, that is the last time I had it. I then remember placing it in the back pocket of my jeans. I rush over to the jeans and frantically search the pockets. Nothing. Then I look over, under and around the drawers that the jeans were strewn across. Also nothing. I notice my all star takkies (South African word for sneakers) positioned perfectly next to the drawers, directly inline with the jeans pocket above. Excitement builds up, I pick up the shoe shake it around, thinking it will drop out and nothing. I stick my hand in and I am devastated as this was my last hope. I was convinced I didn’t lose it, how could this last glimmer of hope not materialise? As I hold the shoe up, looking inside it for salvation, the overwhelming sense of defeat takes over. I throw the shoe across the room. Immediately, the guilt of lashing out at the shoe takes over and walk over to pick it up. It’s then, that I see a glint from the middle of the tightly woven shoelaces. It’s the light reflecting on the ring, which is wedged tightly in the shoelaces. I scream and jump for joy. I weave it out and kiss it. I run to the bedroom and jump on the bed waking up a groggy husband showing him my victory. As we share in the pure joy of having found this almost-lost-precious-thing. The moment was priceless, much like the prized possession. Or was it that priceless?
The despair and despondency when you lose something precious is indescribable. It consumes you mentally and physically. How do I get it back vs how do I get over losing it? How do you replace the irreplaceable? In this instance, I was reunited with my ring. But in many instances, life doesn’t always give you the happy ending. So that means we have to embrace the loss, accept the loss, go through all the stages that we need to go through as result of the loss. Maybe learn something from it, learn something from the experience or something about yourself.
In the end, precious things do need to be treasured but if you happen to lose it due to carelessness or things out of your control, you will still be able to deal with it. Even if you think nothing will compare to it and nothing will be able to heal the wound where the loss resides, you will heal. You will find a solution and so you might not ever replace the ring because it has a deeper meaning, but as a consolation you could get another diamond ring, that will add a slightly different sparkle in your life, a reflection with a few more colours, perhaps.
The wound is the place where the light enters you – Rumi