Not much feels New

So something about this new year does not have the newness about it. I don’t have the energy I think I should have, I haven’t made any decisions to start new things. I still feel like lots of things have just carried over from one day last year to the next day this year. So I thought about what made it different or rather not different this year. Do I have an unfair expectation of the new year to change things? or was 2017 just so much that there is a lot to deal with?

Don’t get me  wrong, I have had a wonderful break over december. It’s been festive and relaxing. It’s been the summertime vibes, as a family we have been doing activities and having get togethers’. We have had a little trip to the coast and had beautiful beach days, bike rides and beach strolls. We visited the Aquarium and I marveled at the wonders from under the sea. The colours and textures that just fills you with awe. The quality family time has been lovely but there’s stuff lurking under the surface that feels unfinished? Like the crazy creatures from the ocean that we visited, things felt alluring but weird, awesome yet strange, mystical yet … miserable?

I think part of it is that I felt like this before taking the break from work and I thought that would help but now it seems like it didn’t change much. Somehow, this feeling just won’t leave me. Maybe, I need to set myself free from the burdens I place on myself. Maybe, I need to understand that it’s not me or my responsibility to compensate for all the things I see, for the small injustices and the big betrayals. Maybe, I need to let go.

The problem is however, when I see something it stays with me. When it happens to me or someone close to me it is imbedded in my psyche and as much as I can ‘get over it’, I need some reciprocation of effort. I need the person to meet halfway, to say that they care and act like they want to fix things. Somehow I feel disappointed in general. I need to change that.

Is it because we are more selfish than we would like to think? Is numero uno, top of mind and everyone else is chopped liver. As a result of being permanently ‘connected’ via our devices, are we totally disconnected from each other?

When did we lose that sense of community, common decency, morality, respect; that should bring in some consciousness to enable us to at least start by thinking about the next person. Do we even think about the impact of our actions, our words on each other anymore?

Being a good person is not a requirement anymore. Bad behavior, nastiness, roasting, boasting, toasting to oneself, selfies, superficialness, just being about things, being extra, This is what is revered. This what the basis of future accolades will be.

But then again, people are just people, right? Flawed and dysfunctional but with some feelings and a moral compass floating around somewhere.

The things they do have no bearing on you in most cases. The behavior could be originated from some back story that may somehow explain their actions.

And even if they are really just mean, self-absorbed and abusive … we can only really continually focus on our own actions.

I need to accept. I need to acknowledge that somethings will never be changed.

I need to adjust. I can only move forward if I forgive with sincerity and truly get over it.

I need to trust. I can do this with love and empathy still intact, remaining true to me.

I need to hold on. To myself.

I need to let go. Of them. The things they do. The way they treat you.

Let’s change ourselves. Try to be more conscious. Try to be better people. Smile at them. Greet them. Forgive them. Be generous with them. Be ‘extra’ with our time. Be kind to them. Love them.

This is just a hunch but it could be the ticket to changing someone’s day/week/month and in the process be the thing that changes you …

Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames…                  ~ Rumi

 

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