Aaah the month of love…. this week brings with it the extremely over commercialised idea of romantic love and what it should look like or feel like or sound like. The song L.O.V.E from the iconic Nat King Cole incorporates this lovely touchy feely mushy sentiment that’s inserted into many a rom com and aptly fits every time as part of said rom com’s soundtrack. I read the lyrics out loud and had my own take and it goes a little something like this…

L is for the way you look at me…

I am a gatekeeper to my families wellbeing and happiness. I am not entirely responsible for it of course but things like my mood, my opinions, my input into what they are doing or what they need has an influence. As a result there are ways and means by which I can ensure that there is some level of balance.

The boys for example find it easier to talk to me, not to say that I don’t play the disciplinary role as well as confidante. I think their Dad and I play equally balanced roles. We both can be tough (sometimes him more than me) and we both can be gentle and understanding (somtimesme more than him). The day I am irate with them and blowing my top about socks lying around or a messy kitchen which I had just tidied up, he will balance me out and be the good cop. And the day he is irate and with his booming voice asking why homework is not done or chores for the day ignored, I am their saving grace pleading and negotiating on their behalf. I can be a mediator when the role is required, like the days when the play fighting turns sour and someone gets hurt, then all of a sudden it’s a real fight. I can be the nurturer when someone is hurt and has a boo boo, the provider of food which in an all male household, is very important. I am also, the one they want to see first thing in the morning and the one they want an extra hug from at night-time. They look to me for all sorts of things whether it’s my approval, my opinion or my warm squishy hugs as they call it.

Just a reminder of the little things, and maybe once in a while I should look at the way they look at me.

O is for the only one I see…

So the uniqueness about being a woman is not really unique because we’re all going through similar things with similar issues. I have to juggle my responsibilities from work as well as a mother, wife, sister, daughter or friend on a daily basis. I sometimes get lost in the noise of what everyone else needs, and I do forget myself. Perhaps, I will notice after months that my hair might need some TLC or I might have been meaning to make that appointment to see the dentist but never get to it because something always comes up. Typical of this past weekend, I had so many commitments, a function to attend, some groceries to get and house cleaning to do, some errands for people and I knew this week, from my frantic attempt last weekend, that I needed to make an appointment for some lady essentials. However, it slipped my mind again. Luckily for me she managed to squeeze me in. But just the fact that I didn’t have a planned morning and had to do all these things and then hope for an appointment reminded me how I need to be better about my needs.

I should be the only one I see, sometimes.

V is very very extraordinary…

Sometimes, we say we need to be more organised and plan better but in fact we have got most things covered. Maybe that’s why no one understands when we complain because to them we seem to be doing great! All the planning for school projects, for the numerous events in our collective calendars, for making sure there is enough cereal or things to put into lunch boxes on a daily basis. In that respect they don’t know that anything is wrong. For us, there were ten other things on the list that we didn’t get to but to them they have seen they ten things we have already achieved. So maybe they have a point. We shouldn’t be frazzled and frustrated as they look at us,’Like what’s the big deal?’

We don’t have to stress and berate ourselves, because we’re doing ok. To everyone else we’re extraordinary. Maybe let’s rather prioritise things based on individual tasks, and in my case if I prioritise only one thing for every person that needs me in some way, including myself, I might shift the way I feel and not be overwhelmed.

Let’s acknowledge our extraordinary successes. We’ve made it through another week with our children and relationships still intact. We are winning!

E is even more than anyone that you adore…

Taking the time to do some of these things will ensure that everyone around you is kind of covered and feels equally adored. You are not marginalized, all your needs are equally attended to by you and more importantly you don’t feel alone and not taken care of. If you tell them, if you make them aware, with direct words not saying things in a round about way hoping they get it, they will be the one that you adore even more, they will love and support you in the way that you need ❤

Love is the bridge between you and everything – Rumi

4 Replies to “L.O.V.E.”

  1. Many years ago when my children were young they gave me a ring that had the word “MOM” on it. Sometimes I would wear the ring with the word mom facing me so I could read it when I looked at my hand. Other times I would have it upside down and it would say “WOW”. I realized then that when I was so busy doing and giving for everyone that I felt like I was upside down everyone else was really seeing the “”WOW”. Your post reminded me of this. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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